DD#290 Out of place

Being surrounded by couples is always hard for the wife of a deployed soldier. For me it's worse when it's an event that my husband would have enjoyed. I know had he been with me last night, that we would have been all over that dance floor two steppin'. Now on the tail end of our third deployment, I'm somewhat used to this feeling and so I just push it to the side and keep going. I still had fun with some good friends last night.

What really made me feel out of place though was my run in with a woman with no ties to the military. Our kids go to the same school. I probably never would have talked to her except that I was watching a friend play blackjack with several of our other friends. All of their husbands were on the other side of the room when this woman goes and sits down in the middle them and starts talking. She has a dress on that's way too short and of course she's showing some cleavage. Oh and she seems to be drunk. So I thought I would go distract her a little bit and strike up a conversation. I went over and introduced myself and told her our kids went to the same school. So we got to talking about what grades our kids were in etc..Then she asked me something that caught me off guard..."So what do you do? Or do just really support stuff like this?" At first I said something about being a stay at home mom, but before I could mention that my husband was in the army, she was distracted by her friends who had been trying to find her.

On my drive home that night, I realized she wasn't really asking me what I did...she wanted to know how I could afford to be at this fundraising event. It hit me then, she's seen me around the school and was obviously trying to figure out how we had the money to attend something like that. It's good thing she wasn't nearby when this revelation struck. I don't get all dolled up to go get my kids from school and we don't go to the country club. I'm still slightly reeling from the fact that she even asked that question! It's a good thing our kids aren't in the same grade. I love the school my kids go to, but I think some of the parents need a good attitude adjustment!!

DD#260 Refreshed

Well, it's been forever and a day since I blogged last. I've thought about it many times, but I really just never sat down to do it. I have to laugh as I look at the title of my last post "running log"...I was planning on logging all my runs on here, but May and June were one big blur. I was still running a couple times a week, but everyday was filled with something and blogging obviously wasn't one of those things!

I hadn't planned on running this morning. I'm still nursing a hamstring injury, so I was planning on taking it easy for another couple of days and just focus on stretching and loosening up my muscles. One of the kids woke me up around 4:45 and then between hunger pangs and a mind with too much to think about I never went back to sleep. For an hour I ate, stretched, and used a heating pad. As I did all of this I read a few more entries from Mile Markers by Kristen Armstrong. The last one I read really caught my attention. Here is the quote the whole entry was based on:

Do the same thing you have always done and you will get the same thing you have always gotten.

It hit me like a hammer. It pertained to so many areas of my life, not just running, but parenting, relationships, overcommittment, etc... The list could go on and on. After that I decided to get up and lace up my shoes and head out the door. I only ran two miles and two very slow miles at that, but it was one of the best runs I've had in a long time. Maybe God knew I needed a little refreshing because I walked outside and realized it had rained. It was really humid, but I set out anyway. Anyone who has run with me knows I love to find a sprinkler along the route. I'll run through them all day long. This morning God turned the sprinkler on for me in the form or a nice gentle soaking rain. It had almost a cleansing quality to it. As I neared the driveway I felt refreshed and excited.

So what is the rut in your life? What is that you do the same way over and over without achieving the results you are looking for? Maybe it's dropping the weight you gained over the winter or from vacation, spending quality time with your kids, clearing out the clutter in your house, or a problem in your relationship with your spouse or a good friend? I know all these things hit home with me or have in the past few years. The point is: Change doesn't come about from doing nothing. What are you going to change today?

DD#179 Running Log

As I was struggling through my run this morning, I realized that not only should I keep my running log on paper, but I should start keeping track of it in my blog. So I might as well start with today...

Actually I'll backtrack a little...Sunday was my long run day. For me at the moment that was only 2.75 miles, but you have to start somewhere right? It was a really good run. I was at a Girl Scout camp with Megan's troop so I managed to get up before everyone else and slip out quietly. The camp wasn't very big so I felt like I was running in circles repeatedly, but all in all it felt good. Well except for the really steep hill to get back up to the Lodge.

I managed to wake up early to run this morning. I am not a morning person. Before kids I could easily sleep until 10am and stay up until midnight. I have noticed myself slowly changing and now I seem to wake up early, usually before the kids or alarm start making noise. I still struggle to go to bed earlier because at heart, I am a night owl. I am not looking forward to the summer months when I'll have to get up early to run before the temperatures get to hot. Anyway...today I felt really sluggish. I'm pretty sure it was because I was dehydrated and not prepared for the humidity. It really made me realize that I need to reach for water or a Lifewater more often during the day especially the night before a run.

I have 2 weeks until the 5K out at Milford and I'm not too worried about being able to run it. On Sunday I probably could have run 3, but I didn't want to run back down the hill! Wimpy, I know...Then it'll be time to start training for the 10K. It's all about having attainable goals...

DD# 164 Keeping my head above water

There are just some days when it feels like I'm good if I can keep my head above water. Trying to do all my normal things plus the things my husband would normally do. The yardwork seems to take as much time as the housework. The kids need to be everywhere all over town. And to top it all off I can't seem to say no, so I have my own commitments to see to as well.  I think we have something every night during the month of May. This wouldn't be so bad if there were two of me. Maybe in my spare time I'll work on cloning... Until then, I'll just keep treading water...

DD#163 I'm a mess!

So I managed to get the girls all up, fed, dressed, and out the door for church at 8:15 this morning, but that wasn't the hardest part of the day. I think I cried for about half of the service this morning. I was a mess!

My tears came from a combination of things, both happy and sad. I'll start with the sad...

I have come to strongly dislike going to church without my husband. To the point that we have only been going maybe once a month. It's easy to find a reason to stay home, but it's just an excuse. I don't know why it's so hard on me this time around. I've done it twice before, right? I had my moments, but this deployment it seems that every time I sit down in that pew a sadness comes over me. I can get through the week and do all sorts of other things just fine, but going to church really makes me miss him.

So combine that with the guilt of not going to church and my heart just hurt this morning. My tears came as part of an apology to God for being disobedient. Like a child telling their dad what they had done wrong (I have never liked being in trouble and still hate confrontation).  My children have suffered because of this. I know I'm not the parent I could be, because my focus is not where it should be. I think a little part of me is angry about our circumstances and this deployment. And then when I quit going to church, I was angry because no one noticed. At least that's how it seemed...

And then on top of that, I tend to cry at communion anyway. The reminder of how much we are loved and what lengths God was willing to go to so that we could be with him in Heaven regardless of how selfish and sinful we have been. So today as I confessed my sins to my God and thought about the gift that He had given me, I cried even harder. In fact I'm crying now as I write this out. Who knows what the people around me were thinking, I was just glad I didn't have time to put mascara on this morning!

So it's time to climb out of this valley and get back up on the path, turn around and face God instead of trying to hide (because we all know how well that works!) and act according to His will and not my own.

Thank you God for being a loving, forgiving God. Thank you for the gift of you son, Jesus Christ. I don't deserve what you did for me, but I am grateful for the sacrifice.

He is Risen! Alleluia!!!

DD#154 Very Blessed

Recently I heard a audio clip of Michelle Obama as she talked about military families and wanting to bring attention to what we go through. She said that a study found that eighty percent of military families do not feel as though the civilian community understands what they go through or supports them. I am definitely not in that eighty percent in our current duty location. At the farewell for some of the senior spouses a few nights ago, all four of the women being farewelled talked about the high level of support we get from our community, both Junction City and Manhattan. They are completely right. I have more civilian friends here than I have had anywhere else we've lived and they are often the first to offer help when I need it.

Part of this comes from living here for almost 3 years and being involved in many activities off post, but it is also because this is one of the few communities that doesn't have an "us" and "them" mindset. They take us in and make us feel at home. Most communities don't do this because we only stay for a few years or less and we move on, but here in the Flint Hills they welcome us with open arms.

I have really felt this over the last couple of days after having a wisdom tooth out. I had several people offer to help the day of the procedure and many, many more make sure I knew I could call them if I needed anything. I had two different people bring me dinner on the same day. They have stocked me up with soup and food for the kids and just generally checked on me to make sure all was okay. I am overwhelmed with thankfulness for these wonderful women. The Lord has definitely blessed me with good friends and a great community.

The problem with this...this will be the hardest good-bye I've ever said. This is home and not just a temporary stop. They are going to drag me kicking and screaming from Fort Riley! It really is one of the best kept secrets in the Army!

DD#149 Volunteer Appreciation

Volunteer Appreciation Week is coming up soon. April 18-24 to be exact. I've often heard it said that without volunteers our country would probably shutdown. Volunteers give countless hours and usually to more than one organization. On post we have numerous opportunities to volunteer our time from helping out at the USO, Family Readiness Groups, PWOC/MCCW, OCSC/ECSC, etc...the list could go on for awhile. And then you throw in the civilian community...how are we supposed to choose who we donate our time to? A good friend reminded me that you need to pick one or two organizations your passionate about and go from there because it is better to focus our energy on that instead of 4 or 5 different organizations.

Volunteers don't often seek out recognition. I think we wonder about those who do. To be honest you probably don't realize just how much a person who is willing to volunteer really does. When asked they usually downplay it and underestimate the hours they devote to an organization. Volunteers don't do it for the recognition, they do it because they love what they are doing and who they are helping.

I had a lot of time to think about this as I was driving the 2 hour drive home from Kansas City yesterday. I had just attended a volunteer appreciation  luncheon for Girl Scouts. About 60 people and 8 businesses were recognized for their contribution to Girl Scouts in our council. Some of them were really amazing people, but to be honest, some of them had done far less than people in our own little Service Unit, but no one from our area was nominated for an award. I decided it's time to change that.

Volunteers may not seek recognition, but they need it. Everyone needs to feel appreciated for what they contribute. It's one of the keys to volunteer retention. Sometimes people quit because they have to, but you don't want people quitting because they want to.

So take some time and say thank you to a volunteer. I've often heard the phrase, "Money makes the world go round," but I think it's volunteers! So thank you to all of my friends who give up so much of their time to help others.